stress!

hai guys...
okie...onw thing i want to tell u guys...
everytime i want to update... den later.... i just switch off the computer... theres always sumthing up later.. hhahaha
okie den.. i just have to taip really fast den..
well, yesterday wasn't the best day ever....
very dull.. i cried until my eyes sore... n i got a headache after dat....
mixed feelings..
wanna know wats the mixed feelings?
here's the story...
i just cnt stand.. with my life changing expreince..
i just envy people who hv family... like me... its incomplete. yeah..
altho i always hang out with my mum.. n my dad goes to work..
but den..... everything turn upside down....
u know... when u all comfy with ur life... den suddenly the comfort zone dissapear..
n its normal... people like to see.. when a person's life.. suddenly drop.. into nobody
they would just... talk behind ur back n all..
well.. its happen to my life rite...
eventho they actually dun really intend to say it... but still its stab deep inside ur heart...
they are nice person to my life...
but becoz of dat... i hv to control.... myself...
which i cant help doin it... its like.. my normal daily life...
my mum kept on sounding me n all.
'emilia, u dun do dis..." dun do dat....
its not dat i dun understand they situation...
but.. i just dun like it.. i dun like it~~~~~~
plus.. here in kl... i hv nobody to talk with... at least... if i come thru dis situation... i hv anis or akmal... to talk to... den everything will be okie...
i stranded in dis world.... where u dun hv anything to do... nothing... u doin the same thing everyday... u cn just... be crazy... sooner or later... or depress mayb...
my emotional these days... is very unstable sumtimes....
to settle this emotional disorder.... i just cry.... later i'll be okie...
but.. i cnt do this like... forever....
n the main problem is...... i just dunno how to express my feelings... i would just keep it to myself.. n put 'no-problem-face' mask to everybody.....
altho.. i need sum1 to talk with....
i hv my mum... but again... i just dunno wat to say to her... plus i dun want her to worry
my mum have been thru a lot....
arghhhh.. everything is just not rite...........
i always pray to allah.. hoping for a better life thoo..

there r times.. i felt like i want to run awy from home... or kill myself...
but hahaha.... i lurve myself.. i cnt just end my life like.... dats wat i always think....
n i dunno where to run.. haha..

conclusion of the story: i hate my life rite now. here in kl. dats all. i need sumone 2 talk with. hmhm